I jolt awake as a shrilling alarm goes off in my head only to realize I am still half asleep. I fight my body to wake fully, but it is a battle that I feel I may never win. I tremble and shake, not sure if it’s my heart or my brain that is pulsating my core. I finally come to life, and the room is dark and still. I turn over and take a look at my phone, and it is only 3:27am. I can’t even remember the last time I slept through the night. I lay awake, tossing and turning for what seems like forever, just longing to fall into a deep and peaceful sleep.
After an hour or two my body slips off into a dreamworld that is vivid, suspenseful, and all too real. I jolt awake again, my fists clutched tightly. My breath is heavy and I take a few moments to compose myself before turning over again. Thoughts come through my mind like an explosion of fireworks, popping up just as I’m drifting into sleep. I feel myself going in and out of awareness; the line of reality so faint to me.
I awake to my husband rolling over to turn off the alarm; and I cringe at the thought of the morning coming too soon. I have no energy to get up out of bed. I feel like a train has run over my body and left me in shambles on the track. My muscles ache and my limbs have gone numb. There is a burning sensation that crawls on my skin as I slide out from under the sheets. It is time to start another day.
I have an identity outside of my disease. Lyme can not take away who I am. It can change the way I live my life, my habits, activities and schedule but it can not take away me!